During teenage, they are more vulnerable and insecure.

Teenage is a period of uncertainties. Career selection, competition, physiological and psychological changes from child to adult- all these cause a lot of stress. These combined with the influence of peer groups, the effect of mass media, temptations and lure of vested interests, land the youngsters in total chaos and confusion. Relationships become shallow and values degenerate. These continue in further life causing embarrassment and total breakdown.

So as the parent of a small child we cannot judge him / her by his / her present behaviour. In most cases this is like the calm before a storm.

How to develop a positive behavioural pattern and right attitude?

Behaviour is learned mainly through observation and experience. Most common factors affecting the formation of behavioural pattern and attitude are the role performed by parents, elders like grandparents, cousins etc, teachers, religion, visual media, printed media and even strangers. Some of these factors help in the formation of a positive or desired behavioural pattern whereas the other factors often result in the formation of a negative behavioural pattern.

Various factors that help in shaping behavioural pattern and character are discussed in brief .

If we take the case of nuclear families, the role of elders like grandparents, cousins etc are no more relevant. Role of teachers was relevant in the age-old education system like Gurukulas. With the present education system where a teachers has to manage a large number of students and teach a number of subjects, their role has come down to a great extent.

Religion is slowly losing its grip over the people. This has also contributed towards the degeneration of values, as fear of God was something which made common people to be empathetic and show care and concern for the under-privileged.

Parents play the main role in the formation of behavioural pattern and character. The behaviour the child learns will not be based on what we tell them or what we want, but what they observe and experience. We may advise them to be kind to others and have empathy, but at the same time treat the poor and needy with cruelty. It is the latter one which is going to have more impact on them.

Parents often overload children with goals and expectations, which the children find difficult to achieve.

Many a time the parent's stand may not be convincing to the child. For them the parent is the one who always burdens him with a lot of “do’s and don’ts” and tell him to do things which he doesn’t like. What is the first question we normally ask our child when he is back from school? According to the majority of parents, “What is the homework for tomorrow?” The child, after the tiring school session, is eager to get away from the burden of studies and will not be able to digest this attitude.This will result in the child getting distanced from the parent and ignoring him.

The parents are also not left with much time to spend for their children due to the present lifestyle and hectic activities. Many a time they are even compelled to play roles which have negative effect on their children, due to social obligations and economic considerations.

We may be doing everything out of concern and love for our children. But our stand may not be convincing or appealing to them as their mindset is totally different from ours.

If so, how can the child actually form a behavioural pattern and character?

Studies reveal that these days children are left with only limited avenues for developing a positive behavioural pattern and character. What parents do in the majority of the cases is that they simply presume that everything is alright. The children appear to be good when they are very small and we take it for granted that they will continue to be the same even when they grow up.

This is where we are mistaken. We are not in a position to judge the child's character based on how he/she is behaving now. What he exhibits now may be due to submissive nature as a small child. Studies reveal that in all the cases of crimes involving children, they were normal and very obedient in their formative age. It is the influence of some other factors that has landed them in all these problems.

Then what can be the other factors affecting the formation of character and behaviour?

. ‘Third person theory’ is an important factor. When a parent burdens the child with a lot of ‘dos and don’ts’ the child starts ignoring them and tries to each out to a third person who is more appealing and convincing. In a joint family this used to be a relative, with whom he develops an emotional attachment, who rightly guides and advises him. But in nuclear families the child is forced to find solace in peers and strangers or presume things based on bits of information from TV, internet etc. Both are detrimental to the development of the child.
. The role of housemaids, drivers and other domestic helps are sometimes forgotten or ignored. These persons have a lot of impact on the personality development of children as they are the ones who often interact with them even more than the working parents. This will result in the child developing a stronger relation with them than with the parents. In many cases, children are even being exploited by these persons.
The media has a major role in shaping the character of the child. Children often get addicted to television shows, internet, video game etc. The parent should screen unwanted programs. Video games which depict killing, shooting, demolishing etc, can have a lot of negative impact
Stories are yet another media which the children, especially ones in the first half of the formative age will like. These can be effectively used to inculcate values and ethos in the children. Every child likes stories and stories used in a proper manner can bring about wonderful changes in the children.

There are a lot of books which contain stories with morals intended to make a good human being out of every child. A matured person can easily understand the theme behind it. But an ordinary child is not able to understand the theme of the story and link it with his own life. For the child it is yet another story.

That means the moral stories in the present form are of no much use.

The children always select a friendship group that conform to their ideas and beliefs . These peer groups have considerable effect on the formation of behavioural pattern and character. Sometimes these will have a synergic effect which may even result in what is called ‘mob psychology’. The child may be even tempted to do things which otherwise he would not have even thought of.

Role of strangers is the most dangerous factor. Most strangers approach or lure the children to satisfy their vested interests. The children are thrown baits that may land them in sex rackets, drug trafficking, etc.
It is highly probable that all these result in forming negative behaviour and wrong attitude. This may not be noticed during the formative years as the child may appear to be submissive due to sheer coercion. But as he or she grows, the resentment will surface in some form.

Then how do we ensure that our children develop a positive behaviour and right character?

Most parents say, “We tell them to be good human beings and explain to them the consequence of wrong behavior. We buy books containing stories with morals for them. We also tell them to select good friends and not to fall for the advice of strangers.

Are these sufficient enough?

The parents are supposed to be the major contributors. But often their role is taken over by peer groups, strangers, media, etc., which in all probability will result in undesired or negative behavioural pattern and character.

What is the alternative?

This is the question being asked by the majority of the parents with teenaged children. But it will be too late to think of the problem. A fire fighting operation will not suffice. A preventive action could avoid the present situation their children face. The parent should have taken this preventive action when their children were in their formative age.